Ask The Chaplain

Ask The Chaplain

Saturday, November 10, 2007

How to Comfort the Grief Stricken?




How to Comfort the Grief Stricken?
Don't desert. After the initial contact with the patient, there is a tendency to leave the bereaved alone and forsaken. If this has been true for you, question yourself as to why you did that? Was it out of concern that you might further distress those who have suffered loss? In other words, were you afraid that you might trigger another round of tears which can look like you are bringing more pain on them then they already have?Be a pathway. Look at your presence as a pathway to healing. And healing often comes through pain. The rule of thumb is the quicker and more intensely a person grieves, the sooner they heal. This rule does not negate a person’s will or choice. It just reminds caregivers that being with a griever and giving them permission to feel and express their grief, is what we’re all about.Don't try to fix the pain. Bereavement is painful. There must be pain before there can be healing. The most difficult thing to learn about comforting is to permit the bereaved to live their own pain. It is one thing to sorrow with a person but quite another thing to interfere with their pain. We are not doing anyone a service by trying to take their pain from them.Listen with your heart. Grieving is a matter of the heart rather than the head. Listening to the feelings of the bereaved is most important, permitting the sorrow to surface and the pain to be openly expressed. Invite all feelings to surface and listen through the silences. Your being there is more important than knowing what to say.Accept all expressions of grief without censoring. Often there are aggressive feelings expressed, including anger, resentment, guilt and shame. Sometimes the bereaved feel cheated by God. Let them be angry. God understands grief. The only time to intervene is if the anger is expressed in a way that may physically hurt someone. The way to healing ones anger is through first acknowledging and processing it. Then is when a person is more likely to begin abandoning it.Permit the bereaved opportunity to talk. This is a vital part of the healing process. Enforced silence in this regard can be very detrimental and prevent recovery. Gently ask the bereaved if they would like to talk about their loved one.Be sincere. Do not make a pretense at being interested in the bereaved if you are not. Pretense really can hurt. Think how you want to be treated and always seek to be kind.“Be swift to HEAR and slow to speak”Helping a Woman Grieve· Listening. Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judgment are critical helping tools. Don't worry so much about what you'll say. Just concentrate on listening to the words that are being shared with you. Resist the urge to preach and educate the grieving person. Women will generally vent verbally more than men, allow her to vent!· Having compassion. Give your friend permission to express his feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend; don't instruct or set expectations about how he should respond. Never say, "I know how you feel." You don't. Think of yourself as someone who walks alongside-not behind or in front of-the one who is mourning. If the woman in question allows it give her a hug, sometimes a hug means more than anything you could possibly say.· Being there. Your ongoing and reliable presence is the most important gift you can give your grieving friend. While you can't take the pain away, you can enter into it through being there for him. Remain available in the weeks, months, and years to come. Remember that your friend may need you more later on than at the time of the death. The loneliest time is months after the funeral, when all the friends and family has gone away. Take her out to lunch sometimes or have her over for coffee and Danish.

Do you feel empty?



Is there emptiness in your life?
Do you feel empty? Is there something lacking? Do you long for something but don't quite know what it is? Are you longing for fulfillment? Are you unsatisfied with the daily routine of work, or school, or whatever? Maybe when you are by yourself and you look deep inside, you just don't feel content. Something is missing. Maybe you've discovered that indulging the desires of your flesh and mind have not produced the peace and tranquility that you need. When I was younger I sought many things to replace God. I tried to identify with something, a cause, a philosophy, even a look. I was seeking an identity. For a while those things where entertaining and even exciting. But ultimately, the same emptiness came back. I can remember one night I was looking for something to break the boredom. I watched the people around me as they were pursuing the same thing I was and suddenly I realized how futile and empty it all was. I realized that if I got what I wanted I would still be unsatisfied. I wanted more than the same old thing. I wanted something that wouldn't leave me feeling empty after a little while. I wanted something real. Somehow, I knew I could only be satisfied by encountering God and finding His purpose. In His great mercy, God has touched me. In the midst of my sin, in spite of pursuing my fleshly desires, He came to me and healed my heart. Emptiness is no longer my companion. In fact, it is so unfamiliar to me that I can barely remember what it was like. Now, I have peace, contentment, and fulfillment because I have found salvation and fellowship with God. This fellowship is found in Christ. "God is faithful through whom you are called into fellowship with his son, Jesus Christ," (1 Cor. 1:9). When you find Christ and his salvation, you discover your purpose and you find your hope fulfilled. Good bye emptiness

Stand Firm

Deuteronomy 28:2 And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God. When was the last time you found yourself so overwhelmed with blessings that you couldn't handle them all? When did you last have money coming in so fast you couldn't spend it in time? When were you last so overwhelmed with good health that sickness and disease couldn't touch you? When were you last so filled with wisdom and knowledge that no problem could perplex you? When last were you so popular that you had to turn people away from all sides because you couldn't cope with all the attention? Well the chances are that this might have happened once or twice in your dreams, but that is about as far as it goes. Most of us are continually clamouring after blessing and pursuing it like we had to catch up with it. And it seems the harder we pursue it, the faster it escapes us. But here is a promise which speaks about the very opposite. God said that the blessings would come to you - you wouldn't have to go looking for them. And what is more, you would not have to chase after them. Instead they would be chasing you. Well, I think I could handle that don't you? Could you handle more blessing than you can cope with? But how can I arrive at this place? Is there something I can do to make sure that this will be my experience? The passage we are looking at was given to the Israelites after God had delivered them from slavery in Egypt. God had given them some principles to live by and entered into a covenant with them. This covenant was designed to bring them blessing. It taught them to live the way God had created man to live. But they refused to obey it, and instead of walking in the blessing, they walked in a curse. Today God has placed His voice in our hearts through His Spirit that comes to live in us when we accept Jesus as our Savior. He has also given us His Word to teach us how we should live. To obey His voice, all we need to do is learn to obey the inner prompting of His Spirit, and fill ourselves with His Word. The Holy Spirit will lead you in the way you should go. He will lead you to where the blessings are pouring down. He will show you what to do and say, in order to get into the flow of blessing that God pours out. And before you know it, there will be blessing all around.

The Blessings of God

Deuteronomy 28:2 And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God. When was the last time you found yourself so overwhelmed with blessings that you couldn't handle them all? When did you last have money coming in so fast you couldn't spend it in time? When were you last so overwhelmed with good health that sickness and disease couldn't touch you? When were you last so filled with wisdom and knowledge that no problem could perplex you? When last were you so popular that you had to turn people away from all sides because you couldn't cope with all the attention? Well the chances are that this might have happened once or twice in your dreams, but that is about as far as it goes. Most of us are continually clamouring after blessing and pursuing it like we had to catch up with it. And it seems the harder we pursue it, the faster it escapes us. But here is a promise which speaks about the very opposite. God said that the blessings would come to you - you wouldn't have to go looking for them. And what is more, you would not have to chase after them. Instead they would be chasing you. Well, I think I could handle that don't you? Could you handle more blessing than you can cope with? But how can I arrive at this place? Is there something I can do to make sure that this will be my experience? The passage we are looking at was given to the Israelites after God had delivered them from slavery in Egypt. God had given them some principles to live by and entered into a covenant with them. This covenant was designed to bring them blessing. It taught them to live the way God had created man to live. But they refused to obey it, and instead of walking in the blessing, they walked in a curse. Today God has placed His voice in our hearts through His Spirit that comes to live in us when we accept Jesus as our Savior. He has also given us His Word to teach us how we should live. To obey His voice, all we need to do is learn to obey the inner prompting of His Spirit, and fill ourselves with His Word. The Holy Spirit will lead you in the way you should go. He will lead you to where the blessings are pouring down. He will show you what to do and say, in order to get into the flow of blessing that God pours out. And before you know it, there will be blessing all around.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Stand Firm

Psalm 16:8 I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

How easy it is to be moved by circumstances and problems in life. We start out with great enthusiasm in our spiritual walk, and we make up our minds to walk with the Lord in all things. But then suddenly out of the blue, an unexpected problem arises. And what is the first thing we do? We panic and try to decide what to do. We rack our brains for solutions, or look to the arm of flesh. Our faith seems to go out the window. The Psalmist faced perhaps more problems than most of us. He knew what it was like to be opposed, rejected and attacked. Even his own wife turned against him and scorned him when he tried to worship the Lord in a public dance. But he learned to do something that later earned him the title, 'A Man After God's Heart.' He refused to see anything but the Lord. When problems came his way, he saw first the Lord and then the problem. What is it that moves you in your everyday experience? Is it the state of your finances, your state of health, your popularity or your security? Paul, like the Psalmist, had learned the important lesson of not being moved by circumstances. He stated that none of these things moved him. He was moved only by the Lord and by His Word. With the Lord at your right hand, you need not panic. The right hand is the place of power. Having the Lord at your right hand means that He is in control of your life. Why not set the Lord before you at all times. How? By keeping His Word before you at all times. Then when problems arise in your life, the first thing you see will be the Word. And then you can say with great boldness, "I will not be moved by what I see and I will not be moved by what I feel. I will be moved only by the Word of God!"

Why So Many Denominations?

What about different denominations?
The reason there are different denominations within Christianity is because the Bible allows for us to have differences of opinions. Within Christianity there are very few essential doctrines that define what it means to be a Christian. These essential doctrines are,
Jesus is both God and man (John 1:1,14; 8:24; Col. 2:9; 1 John 4:1-4).
Jesus rose from the dead physically (John 2:19-21; 1 Cor. 15:14).
Salvation is by grace through faith (Rom. 5:1; Eph. 2:8-9; Gal. 3:1-2; 5:1-4).
The gospel is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus (1 Cor. 15:1-4; Gal. 1:8-9).
There is only one God (Exodus 20:3; Isaiah 43:10; 44:6,8)
God exists as a Trinity of persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (See Trinity)
Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary (nature of incarnation)
As long as a church believes in these essential doctrines, then it is Christian. However, there are many things in the scriptures that have been interpreted in different ways. For example, what day of the week should be worship on, Saturday or Sunday? Should we baptize by sprinkling or baptize by immersion? Do we take communion every Sunday, once a month, or once a year? The answers to these questions do not affect whether or not someone is a Christian. It is in these issues, and others like them, that denominations are formed. It does not mean that one denomination contradicts another. It means that though they agree in the essentials, they differ in some nonessentials. This is permitted in Scripture:
"Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2 One man has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3 Let not him who eats regard with contempt him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and stand he will, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One man regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Let each man be fully convinced in his own mind," (Rom. 14:1-5).
Sadly, there is another reason for denominational differences and that is the failure of Christians to live according to the will of God. The truth is that we are all sinners and we do not see things eye to eye. It is an unfortunate truth that denominational differences are due to our shortsightedness and lack of love. But, the good thing is that God loves us so much that He puts up with our failures. There waits for us, in spite of our differences, a great reward in heaven. Neither salvation nor damnation is dependent upon our differences. Our salvation is based on our relationship with Christ.

Why So Many Denominations?

What about different denominations?

The reason there are different denominations within Christianity is because the Bible allows for us to have differences of opinions. Within Christianity there are very few essential doctrines that define what it means to be a Christian. These essential doctrines are,
Jesus is both God and man (John 1:1,14; 8:24; Col. 2:9; 1 John 4:1-4).
Jesus rose from the dead physically (John 2:19-21; 1 Cor. 15:14).
Salvation is by grace through faith (Rom. 5:1; Eph. 2:8-9; Gal. 3:1-2; 5:1-4).
The gospel is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus (1 Cor. 15:1-4; Gal. 1:8-9).
There is only one God (Exodus 20:3; Isaiah 43:10; 44:6,8)
God exists as a Trinity of persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (See Trinity)
Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary (nature of incarnation)
As long as a church believes in these essential doctrines, then it is Christian. However, there are many things in the scriptures that have been interpreted in different ways. For example, what day of the week should be worship on, Saturday or Sunday? Should we baptize by sprinkling or baptize by immersion? Do we take communion every Sunday, once a month, or once a year? The answers to these questions do not affect whether or not someone is a Christian. It is in these issues, and others like them, that denominations are formed. It does not mean that one denomination contradicts another. It means that though they agree in the essentials, they differ in some nonessentials. This is permitted in Scripture:
"Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2 One man has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3 Let not him who eats regard with contempt him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and stand he will, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One man regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Let each man be fully convinced in his own mind," (Rom. 14:1-5).
Sadly, there is another reason for denominational differences and that is the failure of Christians to live according to the will of God. The truth is that we are all sinners and we do not see things eye to eye. It is an unfortunate truth that denominational differences are due to our shortsightedness and lack of love. But, the good thing is that God loves us so much that He puts up with our failures. There waits for us, in spite of our differences, a great reward in heaven. Neither salvation nor damnation is dependent upon our differences. Our salvation is based on our relationship with Christ.

Have You Had an Abortion?

Are you a Christian woman who has had an abortion?

Are you a Christian woman who is still dealing with the guilt of having had an abortion? If so, then you might need to know you are forgiven so you can receive full healing, forgiveness, and release. Maybe you were a Christian when you had your abortion, knew it was wrong at the time, have since confessed and repented, and yet you still have feelings of guilt and remorse. Then again, maybe you are a Christian now, but were not when you went through with an abortion and you have guilt that saps your Christian joy. Whatever your situation, whether you know you have been forgiven in Christ and are healed and are released, or you are still fighting the seeds of guilt and remorse, abortion is a difficult emotional experience for any woman to go through.

"Can you be forgiven? Yes, you can. Of course you can. More importantly, the question is are you forgiven right now?"

Can you be forgiven? Yes, you can. Of course you can. More importantly, the question is are you forgiven right now? If you are in Christ, if you are born again, then you have already been forgiven. Your abortion was a sin, but no sin is so big that the Lord Jesus cannot forgive it. He saved you knowing exactly what you have done, are doing, and will do...and He still loves you. He loves you not because of who you are, but because of who He is.
If you've had an abortion, you're not evil. You are not someone who hates babies or can't be a good mother, and you certainly don't need to be called names by anyone or be stigmatized by people, especially Christians. What you are is a sinner, just like everyone else. We all have our weaknesses and failures and we must all face Jesus with them. The place we need to go is to the cross where He took all our sins and paid the penalty for them.
Punishing yourself with guilt
There is an important lesson you need to learn about forgiveness that begins with understanding two things: justification and sanctification. Justification is God's legal declaration upon a sinner that the sinner is declared righteous in God's sight; this is also known as salvation. Sanctification is God working in the Christian, through the Holy Spirit, to make the Christian more like Christ. Justification is instantaneous. Sanctification lasts a lifetime. Justification is easy because we receive it by faith (Rom. 5:1; Eph. 2:8). Sanctification is difficult because it is something we do in cooperation with God as He works in our hearts daily. If we are not very sanctified in our actions, thoughts, and words, we are still justified; we are still saved because of Jesus. Justification does not depend upon our sanctification. In other words, our salvation is not dependent on our works in any way. This justification (salvation) is based upon what Jesus did. Jesus bore our sins in His body on the cross (1 Pet. 2:24). Jesus paid for our sins, all of them. They are gone because He removed them. It is all because of Jesus and what He did and not because of what we have done. Praise be to Him. Now, I have a question for you. Can you earn your salvation or do anything at all to merit forgiveness from God? No. Of course not. That is why salvation is by faith and not by works or faith and works. If you did not get your salvation by your works, then you do not keep it by your works, either. In other words, you do not keep your salvation by doing good or by suffering for your sins so that you might, somehow, be made good enough to be with God. It can never happen! Finally, to the point. Some Christians, after they have committed a sin, punish themselves by retaining the guilt of their sin and do not receive the full forgiveness of Christ until they have put themselves through enough suffering that they have then "earned" the right to be forgiven. Of course, this isn't the intention of holding on to guilt, but it sometimes is the underlying reason. It is a danger because it is nothing more than trying to earn the forgiveness of God through our works, in this case, through suffering. This is an insult to the cross of Christ. Now, I am not saying that we should never feel guilty for doing something wrong. I am saying that you should confess your sins and be forgiven (1 John 1:9). Once confessed and forgiven, it is wrong to harbor the feelings of guilt as a way to punish yourself so that you might thereafter feel you've done enough to "feel" good enough to have fellowship with God. That is what is wrong and it is sin. If that is what you are doing, then you need to realize that God does not require you to pay for your sins through feeling guilty. He has already paid the full price. Your part is to humbly and truly confess your sin to the Lord, turn from it, and leave it. By looking to Jesus and what He has done, you can let the guilt and the guilty feelings fall away from you. Put your eyes on Jesus. Praise Him for His great love and forgiveness and continue in your walk of sanctification. Lay it all before the cross.
"I will remember their sins no more"
God says, "For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more," (Heb. 8:12). If God chooses not to remember your sins anymore, why should you? Why should you harbor the guilt of a sin that has been forgiven and washed away by the blood of Christ? That is what He means when He says He will not remember it anymore. He simply will not bring it up again once it is confessed and forgiven. So, if He has forgiven you and He will not bring up the sin of abortion again, then from where does your guilt come? It isn't from God. It is from you. You are punishing yourself.
Let it go. Receive the full forgiveness of Christ that comes from a loving and holy God who has saved you knowing exactly what you are and what you have done.
Three scenarios
If you were an unbeliever when you had your abortion, but have been beating yourself up with guilt, confess your sin and let it go. Let the forgiveness of Christ wash over you and be released. You are forgiven and set free in Christ. If you were a Christian when you had your abortion and feel even more guilt because you knew better, confess your sin and let it go. Let the forgiveness of Christ wash over you and be released. You are forgiven and set free in Christ. If you are a Christian woman who has had an abortion, but you have found release and freedom from guilt, then glory be to God who has worked His wondrous grace in you.

"For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more," (Heb. 8:12).
______________________________Scripture References:
Rom. 5:1, "Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Eph. 2:8, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God."
Heb. 8:12, "For I will be merciful to their iniquities, And I will remember their sins no more."
1 Pet. 2:24, "and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed."
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."